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Love Related Jokes and Relationship Humor Archive
Free-Online-Personal-Ads.com would like to welcome you to our funny relationship humor and jokes archive! Literally hundreds of spam free jokes, pictures and parodies for your enjoyment.
A humorous look at how men and women differ via our light hearted battle of the sexes!
We also feature interesting sex facts and statistics , amazing world sex records and related trivia. All humor pages are pop up free and unlike most every other site, we don't attempt to download any funky spyware programs to your computer or enable java scripts to track your movements.
Find the largest compilation of jokes and satire that will tickle your funny bone, and maybe even make you think! Though most the archive is rather tame compared to most other sites with similiar content, the material is intended for adults only, 18 years of age and older. We hope you get a nice giggle or two and thank you for dropping by!
Women have long enjoyed the ability to have multiple orgasms in a singe lovemaking session; it's just not fair. Guys have the misfortune of a chemical imbalance immediately after ejaculating that makes them feel sleepy. Rolling over after one orgasm and falling asleep is a natural response for males. However, with training any guy can become a multi orgasmic male and enjoy the same number of orgasms as his female companion before passing out during 'cuddle time.
Ejaculation and Orgasm Aren't The Same Thing
The physical event of ejaculation (semen being pumped out of the penis) does not necessarily coincide with an orgasm (the pleasurable sensation of climax caused by a chemical response in the brain). It's possible for a man to ejaculate and not even have an orgasm. The reverse is also true; a man can have an orgasm without ejaculating.
Once a man is able to differentiate between his orgasm and ejaculating, he can train himself to control both events. All it takes to become multi orgasmic is strong enough pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles for short) to hold back ejaculation at will.
What Are Your PC Muscles?
Pubococcygeus muscles are the muscles that control the jolts and spasms that occur involuntarily during an orgasm. They are the same muscles you use to hold back urination. Strong PC muscles are always good for sexual health, a symptom of weak PC muscles is a long refractory period, the time after ejaculation during which another erection is not possible. A Gym Membership Is Not Necessary
Although the PC muscles flex involuntarily during ejaculation, we still have voluntary control over them the rest of the time. There are a number of exercises that can strengthen PC muscles. No special exercise equipment is necessary, a man just has to train himself to recognize his PC muscle group and flex them in a controlled manner. The best workouts involve bursts of short contractions of 10 - 20 repetitions performed 3 times in a row, about 2 to 3 times a week. Guys that are familiar with their PC muscle group are probably flexing them right now as they read this.
Guys that aren't familiar with their PC muscles will have to do all their working out in the bathroom. The easiest way to flex the PC muscle group is to stop urination mid stream. Some guys find this impossible when they first try it (a symptom of very weak PC muscles) but the act of attempting to stop urination is a workout. With practice urination can be stopped and started many times, and it's an excellent workout.
Once the muscles required to stop urination have been recognized, a male will be able to contract them at will, anytime and anywhere. Another exercise to get a well-rounded workout is to throw a towel over the erect penis and raise and lower it. These are penis push-ups. If a towel is too heavy a washcloth or a handkerchief can be used instead.
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We also feature interesting sex facts and statistics , amazing world sex records and related trivia. All humor pages are pop up free and unlike most every other site, we don't attempt to download any funky spyware programs to your computer or enable java scripts to track your movements.
Find the largest compilation of jokes and satire that will tickle your funny bone, and maybe even make you think! Though most the archive is rather tame compared to most other sites with similiar content, the material is intended for adults only, 18 years of age and older. We hope you get a nice giggle or two and thank you for dropping by!
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Becoming An Orgasmic Sper Stud ManWomen have long enjoyed the ability to have multiple orgasms in a singe lovemaking session; it's just not fair. Guys have the misfortune of a chemical imbalance immediately after ejaculating that makes them feel sleepy. Rolling over after one orgasm and falling asleep is a natural response for males. However, with training any guy can become a multi orgasmic male and enjoy the same number of orgasms as his female companion before passing out during 'cuddle time.
Ejaculation and Orgasm Aren't The Same Thing
The physical event of ejaculation (semen being pumped out of the penis) does not necessarily coincide with an orgasm (the pleasurable sensation of climax caused by a chemical response in the brain). It's possible for a man to ejaculate and not even have an orgasm. The reverse is also true; a man can have an orgasm without ejaculating.
Once a man is able to differentiate between his orgasm and ejaculating, he can train himself to control both events. All it takes to become multi orgasmic is strong enough pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles for short) to hold back ejaculation at will.
What Are Your PC Muscles?
Pubococcygeus muscles are the muscles that control the jolts and spasms that occur involuntarily during an orgasm. They are the same muscles you use to hold back urination. Strong PC muscles are always good for sexual health, a symptom of weak PC muscles is a long refractory period, the time after ejaculation during which another erection is not possible. A Gym Membership Is Not Necessary
Although the PC muscles flex involuntarily during ejaculation, we still have voluntary control over them the rest of the time. There are a number of exercises that can strengthen PC muscles. No special exercise equipment is necessary, a man just has to train himself to recognize his PC muscle group and flex them in a controlled manner. The best workouts involve bursts of short contractions of 10 - 20 repetitions performed 3 times in a row, about 2 to 3 times a week. Guys that are familiar with their PC muscle group are probably flexing them right now as they read this.
Guys that aren't familiar with their PC muscles will have to do all their working out in the bathroom. The easiest way to flex the PC muscle group is to stop urination mid stream. Some guys find this impossible when they first try it (a symptom of very weak PC muscles) but the act of attempting to stop urination is a workout. With practice urination can be stopped and started many times, and it's an excellent workout.
Once the muscles required to stop urination have been recognized, a male will be able to contract them at will, anytime and anywhere. Another exercise to get a well-rounded workout is to throw a towel over the erect penis and raise and lower it. These are penis push-ups. If a towel is too heavy a washcloth or a handkerchief can be used instead.
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Soft core photo personal ads with 8 million registered members, and 12,000 new sexy singles joining each day. Caters the young to mid age singles demographic that are not afraid to show a little skin. The rockin' chat rooms are also included with your free profile.
OK, I've Mastered The Penis Push-Up. Now What?
With strong enough PC muscles, becoming multi orgasmic is simple. During intercourse or while masturbating, gauge how close you are to orgasm and squeeze your PC muscles just before reaching the point of no return. Slowing down your rhythm might help to get the timing right. You will still experience an orgasm, but you won't ejaculate. Your cock will still remain hard and you can fuck or whack off until you have another orgasm and try it again. It's just that easy.
In the beginning you can't expect to have a 100% success ratio, but with practice it can be done every time and you won't have to stop having sex until you choose to do so. It's well worth the effort.
Good Kissers Make Better Lovers
A kiss is the first step to a wild love making session. Screw it up and you may not get lucky at all, become a better kisser and she'll be wet before you get her bra undone.
A good kiss is so much more than just sucking face. It's the experience as a whole, which is affected by location, timing, attraction and execution. Artistic license applies and not all women want the same thing. However, a lot of guys get caught up in the basics so we've listed them here and hope it will help you avoid the pitfalls many men routinely overlook.
Breath - This is most important, there is nothing worse than kissing someone with bad breath. Make sure you brush your teeth before going out and don't do a half assed job- brush your tongue too. Use mouthwash and always have breath mints or gum in your pocket.
Be careful what you eat, garlic breath will not go away. If you eat together, only have something with garlic if she does (this is part of the reason why she is supposed to order first). Also be very careful if you have a few drinks- alcohol dries out your mouth which can lead to very bad breath.
Moist Lips - You want your lips to be slightly moist, but not wet. Run your tongue over your lips once before you kiss, and be sure not to overdo it. Slightly moist lips will keep you from getting stuck to her face and make your kiss seem softer. If your lips are dry they will feel like sandpaper, if they are too wet they'll feel cold and slimy, the best is somewhere in the middle.
Positioning - Stand close to her, as close as she'll let you. Personal space is the best indicator of how much a woman likes you and trusts you. Try to get as close as you can so you won't have to lean forward very much. If you can feel the heat radiating from her body you are in good form.
As the two of you move closer together, tilt your head slightly and make sure she's taking the bait. If she tilts her head to one side or remains still you have a green light. If she nods her head down and you butt foreheads - give up. Seriously, it happens to the best of us. Even a very light head butt means she's trying to avoid kissing you, it's never an accident. Tilting the wrong way just means she's not very coordinated, just tilt your head slightly in the opposite direction and lay one on her.
Open Lips - Open your mouth slightly as you place your lips over hers. Breath through your nose. Do not hold you breath. Be gentle, you don't want to slam your lips against hers but you do want to press them together to activate nerves that respond to pressure. The best kissers move their lips in a slow circular motion, but it's still fine just to leave them still. Do not munch.
Close Eyes - Some people do, some don't. As a rule, most women close their eyes for a kiss and expect you to do the same. Closing your eyes will make you more romantic and since she will probably peek, it's a safer bet.
Hold Your Tongue - Women hate men that French kiss too deeply and there are a lot of women out there that don't like to French at all. Start with just pressing your lips together and wait to see if she darts her tongue in your mouth. If she does, then it's ok to reciprocate. Never force your tongue into the depths of her mouth (unless she's trying to do the same to you). The vast majority of women do not want you to lick their tonsils (even the ones that love to French kiss).
Use Your Hands - Don't keep them in your pockets! Hold her waist, stroke her hair, her cheek, cop a feel. As we said in the beginning, artistic license applies. The same approach will not be best in every situation, timing and location are key. Use some common sense. Hint: she doesn't want her ass grabbed in public, but in the bedroom during a warm kiss it might be nice.
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With strong enough PC muscles, becoming multi orgasmic is simple. During intercourse or while masturbating, gauge how close you are to orgasm and squeeze your PC muscles just before reaching the point of no return. Slowing down your rhythm might help to get the timing right. You will still experience an orgasm, but you won't ejaculate. Your cock will still remain hard and you can fuck or whack off until you have another orgasm and try it again. It's just that easy.
In the beginning you can't expect to have a 100% success ratio, but with practice it can be done every time and you won't have to stop having sex until you choose to do so. It's well worth the effort.
Good Kissers Make Better Lovers
A kiss is the first step to a wild love making session. Screw it up and you may not get lucky at all, become a better kisser and she'll be wet before you get her bra undone.
A good kiss is so much more than just sucking face. It's the experience as a whole, which is affected by location, timing, attraction and execution. Artistic license applies and not all women want the same thing. However, a lot of guys get caught up in the basics so we've listed them here and hope it will help you avoid the pitfalls many men routinely overlook.
Breath - This is most important, there is nothing worse than kissing someone with bad breath. Make sure you brush your teeth before going out and don't do a half assed job- brush your tongue too. Use mouthwash and always have breath mints or gum in your pocket.
Be careful what you eat, garlic breath will not go away. If you eat together, only have something with garlic if she does (this is part of the reason why she is supposed to order first). Also be very careful if you have a few drinks- alcohol dries out your mouth which can lead to very bad breath.
Moist Lips - You want your lips to be slightly moist, but not wet. Run your tongue over your lips once before you kiss, and be sure not to overdo it. Slightly moist lips will keep you from getting stuck to her face and make your kiss seem softer. If your lips are dry they will feel like sandpaper, if they are too wet they'll feel cold and slimy, the best is somewhere in the middle.
Positioning - Stand close to her, as close as she'll let you. Personal space is the best indicator of how much a woman likes you and trusts you. Try to get as close as you can so you won't have to lean forward very much. If you can feel the heat radiating from her body you are in good form.
As the two of you move closer together, tilt your head slightly and make sure she's taking the bait. If she tilts her head to one side or remains still you have a green light. If she nods her head down and you butt foreheads - give up. Seriously, it happens to the best of us. Even a very light head butt means she's trying to avoid kissing you, it's never an accident. Tilting the wrong way just means she's not very coordinated, just tilt your head slightly in the opposite direction and lay one on her.
Open Lips - Open your mouth slightly as you place your lips over hers. Breath through your nose. Do not hold you breath. Be gentle, you don't want to slam your lips against hers but you do want to press them together to activate nerves that respond to pressure. The best kissers move their lips in a slow circular motion, but it's still fine just to leave them still. Do not munch.
Close Eyes - Some people do, some don't. As a rule, most women close their eyes for a kiss and expect you to do the same. Closing your eyes will make you more romantic and since she will probably peek, it's a safer bet.
Hold Your Tongue - Women hate men that French kiss too deeply and there are a lot of women out there that don't like to French at all. Start with just pressing your lips together and wait to see if she darts her tongue in your mouth. If she does, then it's ok to reciprocate. Never force your tongue into the depths of her mouth (unless she's trying to do the same to you). The vast majority of women do not want you to lick their tonsils (even the ones that love to French kiss).
Use Your Hands - Don't keep them in your pockets! Hold her waist, stroke her hair, her cheek, cop a feel. As we said in the beginning, artistic license applies. The same approach will not be best in every situation, timing and location are key. Use some common sense. Hint: she doesn't want her ass grabbed in public, but in the bedroom during a warm kiss it might be nice.
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Defining Free Memberships All our reviewed dating sites and matchmaking services offer various types of free memberships or trails. Free can have mean serveral meanings, however. The norm? It means you can place personal ads, search profiles for those that interest you. Some have 3 day to one week trials then you have to pony up to stay online. Others have lifetime free memberships but you must pay to contact. Please read any TOS agreements before committing to any site so you're clear on what promotions are being offered, and when they expire if applicable. You can read our entire article about it here
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